


who by brave assent

by smokeynights



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Denial of Feelings (until he moves on and has a family and then dies saving the universe), F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers-centric, Wakes & Funerals, everyone else is mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:27:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeynights/pseuds/smokeynights
Summary: Steve delivers a eulogy at Tony's funeral.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (Implied)
Kudos: 23





	who by brave assent

It’s raining hard, pounding the tarmac and biting at his ankles through thin socks. In the midst of the sea of umbrellas, he catches sight of strawberry blonde hair and a plain black dress, and the ringed finger that glints as it wraps around a small hand. He watches both mother and daughter as they steady each other, heads held high, and walk towards the coffin.

‘Steve.’

Sam is there, as is Bucky. They watch him with carefully guarded expressions. Steve finds that their effort to hold back the pity is even worse than if they let it show. Sam reaches forward, fixes Steve’s rogue tie, pats gently at his chest. He clucks his tongue and says, ‘ _Let’s head on in_ ’. Bucky caresses Steve’s shoulder when he passes them by and quietly joins stride with Okoye. Sam waits patiently. Rain drips from his nose. The scrawled sheet of paper rustles uncomfortably in Steve’s pocket.

A shaky exhale. Steve allows Sam to steer him through the gathering crowd of familiar faces, the delicate semblance of a family shattered.

A still of Natasha’s face stares at him, frozen in its carefree smile, taken before Ultron crashed the party in the Tower all those years ago. Steve’s heart aches and he goes up to place a kiss to the frame with two fingers, feels the hot tears on his cold face and wonders if this grief will tear him apart. Clint stands with his family, arm wrapped around his little girl and eyes on Steve. He nods. Both of their eyes are clouded when they look back at the coffin beside Natasha’s shrine.

Pepper and Morgan stand in front. Pepper’s knees wobble like she’s ready to fall but Morgan holds her steady, and Rhodey stands in close behind them both. Steve watches the teary smile they exchange, how Pepper’s other hand brings Rhodey forward into a hug that lasts for long enough that Steve forces himself to look away. Happy stands with a thick hand on a frail Peter’s shoulder, brushing arms with the kid’s aunt as they stand together and stare at the lake’s horizon. Sam has gone to stand with Bucky and the Wakandans. Steve drifts where he stands and his only anchor is the mahogany casket a few feet away.

Pepper clears her throat and makes her speech, short and heartfelt, and she and Morgan stand to the side while Rhodey steps up and rests a hand atop the coffin. Peter tries to speak but he breaks into sobs so forceful that his aunt jerks with each heave of the boy in her arms. It’s too much. Steve isn’t prepared for the eyes which turn on him, pooling with tears and begging. He shoulders through the crowd and feels a weight pressing on his chest, imagines the arc reactor Tony had shoved into his hand. Tony, stripped of all life. Steve remembers how his stomach lurched at the too-large glasses on his emaciated face. Tony calling him _liar_ and falling to the floor, heart at Steve’s feet.

He can’t quite bring himself to touch the smooth wood. Steve’s tightly drawn features reflect back at him and his hand quivers. He recalls numb fingers shaking to tighten the strap on his arm, ignorant of the sluggish blood, focused only on the enemy. Slowly, his palm flattens on the surface. The heartbeat is imaginary but it’s all he has left.

‘Tony…’ he begins and stops short. His handwriting has smudged on the page, barely legible, and he isn’t sure how. It had taken him the whole week to touch pen to paper and the words lost all meaning by the fifth draft, but the speech was nice and polite and _dead_. Tony would have hated it.

‘Tony,’ Steve repeats with feeling. ‘He was one of those people that you could never forget, for better or worse. He always-’ Steve swallows thickly-‘always downplayed the impact he had on people. He never really thought he meant a whole lot. It was one of the things I hated to admire about him because Tony was my friend. He was … he was a great friend to me and without him, I wouldn’t be here, and I wanted him to know how loved and appreciated he was in life. Just once, I wanted for him to see how important he was not just to me, but to all of us. I could have spent a lifetime trying – and that’s what he deserved. He deserved a lifetime.

We may not have gotten that, but I think the time we did have means more to me now because of it. I have memories with Tony that I will cherish for the rest of my life. They are invaluable because, really, we didn’t have very long at all, but we still managed to hold onto something good. For only a small period of time, I had Tony Stark in my life, and though he may be gone from this life he remains by my side, always.’

Steve pauses, distracted by the gust of wind that blows tears from fair eyelashes. His loose fist lies curled upon the casket, shaking imperceptibly. Steve stares at it and says, quietly, ‘I miss you, Tony.’

Steve thinks _I love you_ and wills the words to gather courage and fly into the air.

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this was 'endgame stevetony sad funeral' so I guess you could say that no, I am not over Endgame.
> 
> The actual title is taken from Who By Fire by Leonard Cohen.


End file.
